(picture taken by jillian becker.)

i'm happy where i am and truly adore my surroundings, but i really have itchy feet.
when i hear from my friends' adventures in new york, brazil, sweden, africa, new zealand, india.... well... then i just wanna go.
i've seen parts of the world, but not enough. but its not mainly that i want to just see things. i want to have a great time while experiencing them, to celebrate my life. breakfast on the beach and spending the day on a boat, surfing - stuff like that.
it wouldnt be a bad idea to study after my year in hannover, but right now, i cant imagine to do so. not at all. all i can think of is that on october 1st, 2011, i will be free to go where i want. and until then, there are plenty of other ways to do what i want and celebrate my life.

cat stevens - if you want to sing out, sing out.

one.      i'm annoyed right now.
last saturday, i went to see "caveman" and discovered on a poster  that roger willemsen (haphazardly one of my favourite authors) is coming to hannover this wednesday . i just found out that its 18€ and that pisses me off because i dont have 18€ and i think he should just read to people without taking money for it and simply hope that they will buy his books which they will do because he's a genious. rrrrr.
caveman really is for a good laugh, by the way. watch it if you can.

two.      this weekend was an amazing one with the founding of a new crew called "kackafix", my flatmate wearing my see-through leggins to a party (that we werent even invited to), me wearing his jeans, public exchange of pants on a dancefloor, waking up next to a pair of eyes with a different color each, having a great time with my brother and dad (including a kevin ayers guitar session and some tasty food cooked by..... ME! :D), a flea market and a very awesome girl..... i have a fat smile on my lips.

three.     life's treating me very nicely. and has been for the past months. i dont know whats up, but everythings fine. more than fine.

four.        i'm gonna be a big sister another time. the baby is coming in january. name-issue: so far, all the siblings' names start with an "L":   Luisa, Leo, Louisa, Luc.  i think the baby should become a Lasse-boy. or a Lia-girl. or is that pathetic? tell me what you think. and give me name-ideas if you have any.

you captured the beginning of a year of bliss, sweets. you captured me and my flaws, and your tender look through the lense lets me look beautiful. i'm beautiful in your eyes and you are in mine. you are one of the most beautiful creatures i've seen. inside and out.
(photographs by jillian becker.)

my flatmate and i were hanging out yesterday and making up shit about how we could fancy up our apartment. he had this brilliant idea: it came from a video that shows lenny kravitz' house. mr. kravitz has his very own jungle on his wall and we laughed and decided that we want one, too. every guest can add something to it, like a monkey or whatever, and the ceiling will be painted like a sky with parrot flying around. thing is: the third one of our team is gone and that way he didnt really have a say in what he thought was a good idea and what wasnt. we sent him the video of the house&wall so he could tell us whether he liked it or not, but didnt get a response.
but today, my other flatmate and i really wanted to get started on painting the jungle while listening to death metall. so we went to obi (german hardware store) to get the wall paint, paint brushes and whatnot. we tried to call our friend while we were already filling our arms with all the supplies. and when we were all done, we finally reached him:
"hey! did you get our email with the video yesterday night?"
"oh! yeah! sorry, i read half of the email and then had to puke. this morning i was blacked out and didnt remember anything that was written in that email."
" well... what do you think of a jungle in the hallway?"
"i'm not sure. cant you wait with it until i get home tomorrow?"

"uhm... sure... we're just kind of at obi right now. buying new light bulbs and stuff, you know? because we thought we needed some light bulbs. uhm... so we thought: why not buy some wall painting as well since we're already here?"
"................................"
"but yeah, we can wait until you get home. suuure."

so we put all the crap back in place and seriously bought only the light bulbs.
we were kind of discouraged, came out of the store all gloomy and it had of course started to rain, but then i realized that i had accidentally stolen a package of tarpaulin which was incredibly funny so everything was ok again.  :)

i assume you cant wait to finally see that video and get an idea of what our hallway is going to look like soon, because: trust me, we will convince our flatmate. ;)

ps:

i did mention already how lovely i find him, but i have to say it again. (his youtube channel really is worth a visit. unfortunately, my favourite of his songs is no longer online, it was a cover of "the heart of the matter" which became one of my top 10 favourite songs.)

uhm, you could listen to the poem "a sad child" if you like, or another one.
margaret atwood sure is the person i'm drawing the most attention to at the moment. she inspires me. the thoughts i have when i dive into her words and move them around in my head are thoughts about truth, manipulation, women, art, about the matter of fact that you can give your life any direction you want and find importance in anything you choose.
i find myself tempted to simply accept margarets words as my truth. example: she says "all children are sad, but some get over it" and i react with an emotion because those words go right trough, they feel true. but who knows whether they are. its dangerous to let emotions decide or indicate if something is real or not.
see, she gets me going. i dont just read or dont read. her poetry remains in my head throughout the day.

if you're interested in trying one of her novels, i can only encourage you to simply order it.

i like how i ride my bike to work every morning,

i like that i go on dates during the week,
i like it how i got used to drinking alcolhol after work simply because i like it,
i like how things are close,
i like that i paint and write and sing,
i like it to work in that cool bar,
i like that i visit exhibitions and concerts.

hannover is so very peachy. its good for me.

i love it to look at my screen and to notice two words blink: "online now".
its a moment where i know what you're doing. you're sitting in that big black chair in front of your computer. its not much to know, but its enough. because then, just for a while, we both do the same thing.
and i just sit there and breathe deeply and imagine you in the light of the screen and my eyes wander away from you into your apartment. i remember everything, and i remember how things in there smell like you.
i see the couch, the couch of intense happiness. the couch of lips and arms and you.
and then i go back to you because i'm afraid you might leave soon and i want to look at you while i can, while i know that you're not moving much, just typing.
and i think of how a long time ago, i saw you right in that position, i saw you from behind, a glass of water in my hand. i stood there and tried not to make a sound so i could just look at you existing, sitting in a big black chair in front of your computer.