my love and i are leaving germany tomorrow for a little roadtrip to... well... we dont know yet.
i bought my bikini few hours ago and learned that its not a good idea to do so on the last possible day (blowing kisses at zara where my plain-white ass was saved with the discovery of a black old-style-bikini) a few minutes before the shops close. it also wasnt helpful that a bunch of clothes that i had to buy showed up out of nowhere right in front of me. i've seriously never seen a dress look better on me than the one that made me be broke even before the vacation today.
the weather forecast for northern france is not too fancy, we were thinking about going there, but now we might have to go to the south or italy or... well, i'll let you know when we have returned.
the only thing i know for sure is that i want my butt to be tan when i get back here ;)
all the rest will be fine as long as i got that stunning young man with me.

not knowing and having a never-ending to-do and packing list is stressful, but at the same time relaxing.

took a little trip to the airport today to fetch our vacation-car that my mom left for us.
we have no idea yet what the destination will be, but i know it will be splendid.

i will never come to know why you didnt like my favourite books.
you beared a striking resemblance to me and i was like you in so many ways that we sometimes wondered whether it was all just a prank.
you were my diary, i was yours.
you have certainly long recovered from having to leave us.
you found yourself in this light that i dont really know much about.
we are still here, we grieve for you.
i do, even though i never met you in person. i always had nothing but your words.
you wanted to get married. how could you just leave?
there sure was a voice that tried to hold you up and call you back.
and you... didnt listen?
i never met him face to face, but i feel his pain.
he sat next to your bed for a week, it was his voice that called you. and you didnt follow, felt secure amidst the screaming white of all colors. but you should have come back.
he will never fully revive.
could you not tiptoe into his dreams?
tell him he will see you again, in roughly 70 years maybe.
tell him you had come aware of grand truths and therefore didnt return.
ask him for forgiveness. he was always good to you.

[i have come aware of grand truths and therefore didnt return.]

i am luisa kara and i'll never be the only one.

please make that i can study in mainz. please. please please please. i will never be hateful towards nickelback again if you do. i liked it there. the city. the girl. the river. the people. the library was not overwhelming, but i can deal with that. 

Versteck mich wo du mich nicht findest damit auch du mich mal vermisst
Hab mich seit Wochen nicht gemeldet und frag mich ständig wo du bist

Ich will nur dass du weißt, ich hab dich immer noch lieb
Und dass es am Ende auch keine andere gibt
Die mich so vollendet
Die mich so bewegt

Ich zeig dir dass ich dich nicht brauche und dass ich gehen kann wann ich will
Weißt du eigentlich wie viel ich rauche seitdem du weg bist und wenn du fragst dann bin ich still

Ich will nur dass du weißt, ich hab dich immer noch lieb
Und dass es am Ende auch keine andere gibt
Die mich so vollendet
Die mich so bewegt

chocolate muffin, bagel, strawberries, juice, chocolate, grapefruit being carried into my bed in the morning.
whispers into my ear that i must hold on, that i will get better soon.
kisses and kisses of comfort.
having me and staying here despite my grumpyness.
cooking for me.
cycling through town to get me medicine.
god.
i'm about to say that i'm having a hard time believing all this, but...
my heart beats so joyfully and loud and..jumpy that it must be real.

this is exactly what i needed to hear.
when i browsed through pages and pages of texts i've written, i actually found some that i truly liked. i almost couldnt believe that it had been me who wrote them.
ira, i want to hug and kiss you.