you made me cry there, my love.
it may be the one and only year where we are close, right next door.
are we using that time the way we want to?
we watch twin peaks, drink coffee and eat donuts, we laugh and talk and cook and walk, we wonder and discuss and take photographs, we listen to music, we feel our hearts connect and sometimes we feel far apart. we are there for each other and try to make our lifes be one big celebration, even though we dont always suceed.
we hold gold dust in our hands and, above all, we know. 

and the sun on your face
i'm freezing that frame

how did it go so fast
you'll say as we are looking back
and then we'll understand
we held gold dust in our hands.

                                                   
another year. i was here. i was here.









this is basically a re-blog from jjs flickr. there are photographs of me on there that i dont want my blog-readers to see because they just mean too much to give them out to anyone, thats why i never tell you the account name. please have mercy.

i spontaneously decided to take off yesterday.

i went to my village right after work.

i took care of my dad who is a bit off-color.

i read astrid lindgrens biography and concluded that i want to put a portrait of her on my wall.

i found a book, a golden book, the prettiest book you can imagine. my dad wrote in there. its for me. stories about me as a child. stories about me shivering with all my body when i was two years old because i was so happy and relieved that my dad had returned from a trip. he was standing in the door and taking his jacket off and i couldnt stop shaking. stories about how i started life. i couldnt stop crying reading those stories.

i thought a lot. about astrid lindgren and her life and about how connected i feel to her, to her writings, her characters. i thought about how we both are so in love with our inner child and how we hold on to it. she never lost it, while i feel like i can no longer prevent it from fading.

i was woken up by the sun shining inside my window. when i sat up and looked outside, i had to stop breathing for a moment. a winter-fairytale out there. shimmering snow and all, you know what i mean. and birds. oh, how i adore those birds for nesting right about my window. theyve become fat, like every winter :)

i will now go to see my little girls who i missed terribly the past weeks.

home. its like medicine for the soul.

i'm a loner at the moment.

no idea whether i consider that a good or bad thing. it frightens me a bit.
i dont need anyone right now. i'm fine on my own. which is new to me.
the things inside of my head and heart dont need to be spoken out all the time, i find words so inconvenient and overrated.
so i hang out with people who are people that i cherish and like, but i dont really know them and right now, i dont want to know them.
i lose sight of my best friends because i dont reply to their calls and messages, i dont make an effort to spend time with them.
i miss a lot of fun and laughter because i dont attend the meetings of my friends and go out with strangers instead.
when i see pictures or hear stories of all the things i missed, i become sad. but then again, i just didnt want to be there and its my own fault.

i wonder how long this will last.

it was you who got the heart to beat.
i gave you everything because i couldnt give you less than that.
jumped and fell.

if time went by backwards, i'd do it all over again.
i would love, if time went by backwards, i would love you again.
and... lose you again.
it was worth every single tear.

if a fairy granted me three wishes, i would only use one:
"please make that things stay the way they are, just for a while."
theres nothing about my life that i would want to change at the moment.
absolutely nothing.
and that, people, is one of the craziest and yet most calming feelings i ever had.

i estabilished a toothbrush in his bathroom and he took it with a smile.

good night.

L.